Gasping For Breath

After being married for a number of years I found my self in the midst of a divorce. I didn't believe in divorce, I didn't want a divorce, but a divorce was eminent. I loved my wife with all that I was as a man.  She was young and beautiful and she enjoyed  many of the things I enjoyed . However, I began noticing a growing discomfort in her. Although we got along well, there was something bothering her deeply. The more I inquired, the more she withdrew. So I decided to just love her.
After being in a relationship for a while, there are things that you begin to notice about your mate.  Not so much good or bad, just little subtle things such as sighs, stares, or tensing up. If you love your mate, it hurts you as it does them. Some mates will become angry and escalate their problem, or some will observe and wait for an open door.
I had to be observant because I knew,  "every open door was not open to me, and every locked door was not locked always.
After a while she told me she wanted a divorce. I felt my breath leave me again, as if someone had cut off my lifeline.  I could not breathe anymore. I was gasping for the breath, for which I knew as love.
All of the time, energy, and effort that we put into our relationship; We have children together; We have one on the way; What happened, I asked for three days? She was very reluctant to tell me. On the fourth day she said she was in counsel with the  pastor of our church. He told her she needed to drop the loser, referring to me. He told her that I was a devil and I could never bring her happiness.
I knew for sure that I was dead. I was like a fish belly up in the water. Surely I could not breathe. Again, I was left gasping for breath.
Have you ever swam before? Have you ever gotten water in your mouth whereas you couldn't breathe?  Have you ever gotten hit in your stomach so hard, whereas it takes your breath away?
Have you ever had an asthma attack whereas you couldn't breathe. These things remind me of how I felt. No I wasn't feeling it physically, but I was feeling it emotionally. Cut off from what I know as breath and life.
I wanted to do something evil to the pastor who was tearing my marriage into pieces. I wanted to exact vengeance upon him. He was lying to my wife. He was playing games with my loved one. He was destroying the only thing in life that meant something to me. Later I found out it was because he couldn't control my musical artistry. Later, I was surprised when I found out how rampant this was in some churches. I prayed and asked God what should I do? I prayed and told him how I felt about everything.
In my spirit, I felt led to pray for the man who had strayed from the mandates of God's words and had entered into an area of deception, self-deception.
Gasping for air, I had to make the choice of death or life. Death, was to choose to have vengeance; To go after the man that was destroying everything that I had built up. To seek revenge was to destroy myself from the inside out. I knew that I was loosing the external fight. I could not win because my wife told me she had to obey what the pastor said. She said if she didn't obey him her soul could be in danger of hell. Wow, talking about a sinking ship.
Life for me, was to die to myself. I begin to pray very hard for the man that would destroy my marriage. I took the order of praying for his success. Praying for this thing was very hard for me at first. How do I pray for someone who is destroying my life right before my eyes. I had to be be obedient to the Spirit.
The distance between my wife and I began to grow farther apart. We continued to have some good times also. In my mind, I was making the wrong choice, because the pastor would taunt me every time he saw me in public. His remedy for me was to stand before the church and apologize to him for disrupting the order of his service. Furthermore, he wanted me to sit in silence in punishment every Sunday as a spectacle for all to see. Someone else in the congregation suggested that I just tuck in my tail like a defeated dog and take the punishment. I decided against that.
I was given the order to pray for his success. I was so driven, that every time I saw him I would shake his hand and bless him, even to the surprise or some of the church elders. I would enquire about his wife that was now sick. Now his wife was dying. Now I had to pray for her  even more fervently.
I just prayed all the the for him and his family. In fact the only thing that gave me breath was to continue in earnest prayer for him. I couldn't just pray empty words. The Lord wouldn't allow that to happen for me.
God began to resuscitate me through my prayer life. I was able to breathe again. No I didn't have my marriage, but I could live again. My children were now living 700 miles away. God was breathing in me as well as breathing in them. I still had a friendship with my kids mother.
For the point I begin praying, my prayer life began to increase. When the word says pray for those that despitefully use you and to pray for your enemy,  he blesses your life. He opens the portals of heaven to you. I now breathe with the life he breathes in me.