Love Me Right

I remember hearing my friend say 20 years ago, I want someone who will "love me right". I am just now getting around to where I really understand that statement. I don't think that she was being selfish, I think she saw in her lifetime, marriages that failed due to people being there for only what they could get out of marriage relationship and not giving anything in return. She was saying that love shouldn't be just one-sided and and just given to a physical relationship, and if it was that way, she couldn't take part in that type of relationship. When someone makes their story of love "only" about themselves, that is so one-sided. That is so selfish and that's not love. Love is about making the other person feel special, Love is about the other person. When it's only about just receiving love, it's not love. Love does not just receive, but focuses on giving. Love that does not give or sacrifices is not love. A love relationship must be two becoming one. It must be about building the family unit. As a young person I thought my chosen mate would just love me for me and I would love her for her. I thought that people really wanted to have happiness and wholeness and not this generic type of relationship you see in modern day marriages. I see relationships where one partner will say if it doesn't work I will just get a divorce. Then get out of the marriage when a little adversity comes. Some would grow weary of the marriage and look for another mate while still in the marriage. Some would say I don't want this now, I made a mistake. Again growing up and looking forward, I thought that in marriage we would have some issues occasionally, but would work to resolve them. It was the environment in which I was brought up. The environment was one where my mother and father was always giving in marriage. Yes they had arguments from time to time but they allowed my brother and I to see them resolve them. I also have two friends that have that special relationship with each other. I was given the opportunity to reside with them about 6months and during that time I got to see them in close proximity. He treated her very tenderly in public, but also in private. i got to see how she treated him with care and how she responded to his care. They had a genuine love and respect for each other. Yes they had their times of disagreement, but they recognized that disagreements were just fleeting. Some people thrive on drama. It is what they live for from day to day. I remember watching the soap operas with my relatives, during the times of intense debating they would all gather seemingly to take notes. They would rehearse arguing with their friends from the things they observed on the soaps. Some would even initiate verbal bouts with others. I vowed never to be a part of these type of conflicts. I would generally tell someone, you win, if I perceived it to be drama. In essence, I was saying to them, I don't want to argue with you if we are not trying to come to an understanding, we are wasting time. Coming to and understanding is not swearing at me or insulting me or my personality. Coming to an understanding is not shouting insults concerning my family. I also remember being with a family that had no respect for each other. They flung insults like general conversation. To insult their partner was as easy as breathing. These persons became enemies after a while. They blame each other for everything. There is was sense of personal responsibility. They went on to their second or third marriage repeating the same behaviour over and over again. Love me right is say I want you to lo e me as I love you. Let's have the understanding that fights just momentary and in the long course they will mean nothing at all. They are usually a waste of time. Learning to listen and really hear what the other person is saying is primary. Also being able to say what they communicated back to them is essential. At that point you can respond. Love me right means that we both expect to be in it for the long haul. Marriage is for life with my best friend.