Just Listen

Just be sure that you understand that every argument is not an end but could be a building block to the best and a long lasting relationship. Understanding the other as you would yourself is the key. This has been a lesson to hard and too long coming. I used to thing that this person is try to upset my day. They are trying to destroy my calm. What is wrong now? It dawned on me that they are trying to understand the problem at hand. I tried disconnecting myself from the problem, only to find myself directly in the middle of the problem. To me is was my choice to either sink or swim. So I learned to swim, which means I began to deal with the person and the problem as a person crying out for my help because they were drowning in their own world. They need me to be there and listen, not to give advice, but to just listen. If they don't ask for advice, don't give it, just listen. They are going to blame me for all of their woes, when I know very little about what is going on. So one day I listened to what was really being being said. I didn't try to change what was being said, I just listened. At the end of the screaming, was a person asking me to hear what they were saying. On some things I can't change who I am. I can't change anything. On other things, if I add to the problem, I can stop some of my behaviors. The solution was just being able to understand that person as I understood myself.