Disappointments

I have had some disappointments in life. To me the relationship seemed like two ships passing in the night. I have had unnecessary wars and words with people, to the extent I know I don't want that sort of thing anymore. My successes have been few every since I place different relationships above that of my creative goals and callings in life. I was told that being a musician/songwriter/singer was secondary to all things. I stopped pursuing the goal of music after I was told that my goals meant nothing because I was now in relationship. I was told told that the relationship had to be financed, which I knew. I was told that I would have to stop all of my "pipe dreams" and face the reality that I was in relationship, a relationship that demanded all of me. That person that told me that, continued in all that they were doing but I ceased to live at that point. I pursued the things ofa regular job, church and family. That was the day that I died. I never had the chance to see if I would fail or succeed at music. I did indeed see that I could fail at relationships because I didn't do all that the others required of me. Then I pursued writing, I was not good at it, but it was also a creative process. I knew that time and practice would make me better. I was then told that taking an hour a day at writing was taking an hour away from my family. Yes I could sit and watch TV for 2 and 3 hours a day and nothing was said, but to sit in front of a word processor was not the things that relationships were made of. Earlier I stated that I pursued church and all of the things of church. This proved to be disastrous. In using my creative ability, others would say, oh my goodness, you can teach. My Sunday school class became one of the most popular classes in the ministry. I was told by one that I was doing too much. Again, the leaders condemned me for doing something creative. That leader was told by others that I was the best teacher in the ministry.

Disappointments come and go, as do complications. At 50 years old, I am just wanting simple relationships. is that too much to ask for? I am not looking for fights or jealousies or anything else. I am looking to serve out the rest of my live under God in peace.