Words That Cut Like A Knife

If we could down load each others thoughts then perhaps communication could be the ultimate form of love making. It would be the most intimate thing ever. (Record scratching) That would be in a perfect world. We have to struggle not know each others intentions or thoughts. We struggle with not trying to understand the intentions of a love one.

Didn't you hear what I said.

I heard what you said.

You said this and you said that.

But, I didn't mean it like that.

Yes but you said this or that.

Sometimes we look in retrospect and have a tearful laugh. To see the things said and then to think oh that what the other one meant. We don't trust that the other person have our best interest at heart. We all know where we want to go, but we se seem to have different ways of getting there.

Can't you see my way is better?

Do you not hear what I am saying to you?

Yes, but it doesn't make sense to me.

I am struggling now with my emotions because words are like a knife cutting deep into each others soul. We don't have to do it but we do. It all comes to a matter of trusting each other by prayer and fasting.

Turning Over a New Leaf

I am amazed at how things change. I never imagine that things are going to change when they do. I think that I am one place in relationship and then I find out that I am totally in a different place. Don't get get me wrong I love when things begin to come together and the things that plague or the things that make happy are no longer a part of the process. What I am finding out is that we don't always have control of what goes on. And on the other part, we control everything. My focus has always been to be a pray-er. I feel that all things are established in prayer. The turning of the leafs in life is an amazing process, from the thinking of this person. A new car, a new job, a new attitude, a new sense of being or belonging, these are the things life are made of. When a person says or shows that the old way of thinking is no longer required, and that what we used to say or do is not required any longer. Oh my, what a change. I know that this sounds like random thought, but somewhere in this is amazement. The title of the blog is I Need You, and that has never changed.

I need you when there is the turning of a new leaf.

Disappointments

I have had some disappointments in life. To me the relationship seemed like two ships passing in the night. I have had unnecessary wars and words with people, to the extent I know I don't want that sort of thing anymore. My successes have been few every since I place different relationships above that of my creative goals and callings in life. I was told that being a musician/songwriter/singer was secondary to all things. I stopped pursuing the goal of music after I was told that my goals meant nothing because I was now in relationship. I was told told that the relationship had to be financed, which I knew. I was told that I would have to stop all of my "pipe dreams" and face the reality that I was in relationship, a relationship that demanded all of me. That person that told me that, continued in all that they were doing but I ceased to live at that point. I pursued the things ofa regular job, church and family. That was the day that I died. I never had the chance to see if I would fail or succeed at music. I did indeed see that I could fail at relationships because I didn't do all that the others required of me. Then I pursued writing, I was not good at it, but it was also a creative process. I knew that time and practice would make me better. I was then told that taking an hour a day at writing was taking an hour away from my family. Yes I could sit and watch TV for 2 and 3 hours a day and nothing was said, but to sit in front of a word processor was not the things that relationships were made of. Earlier I stated that I pursued church and all of the things of church. This proved to be disastrous. In using my creative ability, others would say, oh my goodness, you can teach. My Sunday school class became one of the most popular classes in the ministry. I was told by one that I was doing too much. Again, the leaders condemned me for doing something creative. That leader was told by others that I was the best teacher in the ministry.

Disappointments come and go, as do complications. At 50 years old, I am just wanting simple relationships. is that too much to ask for? I am not looking for fights or jealousies or anything else. I am looking to serve out the rest of my live under God in peace.

We Just Never Know

I attended the funeral of a young 32 year old mother. She was released from the hospital after giving birth to a set of twins. Upon crying all night one night she stopped breathing.

At the funeral many of the family told antidotes, remembering back to when it was a glorious memory. Even I remembered some things.

I thought about it and remembered that people are a gift from God. The gift is, that all come into our lives for a short time and we need to value them now. The time that we spend with others is a gift from God.

Some will misuse this gift waiting until the last moment to grab a hold of it, others letting the moment pass them by. It is not in the bad or sad times with other, but it is in even the small time that we are either a gift to others or other are a gift to us. Funny we don't recognize this until they are gone.

The Responsibility of Relationship

Although relationships are challenging at times, sometimes the payoff of a good relationship is the greatest. I have been down the road of many relationships, some good some bad. I can count the ones that have brought great satisfaction. I can also count the ones that I have given satisfaction. Ha ha ha... and that is at lease how I view it.

I have the view some relationships are hard work. Some of my friends were high maintenance. Some of my were low maintenance. I feel that I had a responsibly to give my true self in relationships. I can't be someone else, I can only be me. And I pray that others are that same way. We can only act for so long. The real us will come out sooner or later.

why put up a facade that will eventually fade. We have to give people a chance to either accept or reject who we are. If they like us or not. Some will make judgments based on outward appearance. Actually these are the friends that are short-lived. Some will make judgments off of what they think that they can get from you. The latter is not something that I like, but it is the easiest one to which I can say no. I am a musician, and some can only love me while I play music, other than that, they can do with out me.

I have alway felt that I have the responsibility to show people who I am. I reserve the right to keep some facets of my self reserved for they are a matter of privacy.

Abusive Words

Hitting the target like daggers, they cut very deep to the piercing of the soul. This is the mark of abusive words. They have no place in relationships. They cut through the happiness damaging the integrity thereof. "You are a man and you can take it". Poppy Cock. It does not matter your gender, they still hurt. They tear the very fabric of relationships. One would say, "I only use them to get the attention of the other". Again, Poppy Cock. The use of words to hurt another is morally wrong. There are laws set up in the working place against such indiscretion. You can be sued. Employers have recognized the damage the cause to the work environment. We must recognized the damage they do to you and I, in relationships.

Watch your words with each other. There is a way of telling the other person what you do or do not like.

Pressing Forward

I have no desire to live in my past, only to live in my now, To live in my now with all diligence will take care of my future. Yes I reflect on my past because it is the foundation to where I am now. I am a constant state of change. If I do not change, I will stay chain to the past. The past from a now point of view can be deceiving if considerations are not taken concerning what is now. In other words I can not romanticize what was. Like some old styles, it must stay in the past. The hurt, anger, and pain serve only to remind me that I made it then and I can make it now. I should not suffer the same things that I went through then or I haven't let that pain, hurt or anger go. It was only a teacher for get me where I am now. If it followed me, I didn't close the door to it. The teacher of the past told me that there would be many more teachers to come and that I must trade old knowledge that I can't use now for new knowledge now. It is said that information changes every 5 years. Then, why would I use information for example DOS 2.4 with Windows 7? It doesn't work. It is the basis for what is happening now, but many things have changed. I must have a working knowledge of what is now.

The pain of a teenager is not the pain of a 50 year old. Thank God the pimples left, and much of the shyness, and much of the ignorance. When I was a child I spake as a child, But now that I am a man, I must put away childish things.

I pray this helps you to understand that relationship is growth.

The Heart of True Love

It does not boast in everything it does for the others. It only accepts it as responsibility. The duty of the heart is to stay true to the cause. It does not count how many bad things happen, but it does feel the hurt and pain. It can be easily bruised. Oh my goodness, and it can be broken, but it adheres to the voice of the Creator. I says it will follow his path of truth, and truth is not in what others feel. Truth is maintained by the voice of the Creator. The heart of true love waits to hear clearly the voice of Wisdom, its instructor. It is not moved by the voice of the moment, but clearly waits patiently to hear the full story. It does not give excuses for the lack that comes from others, it accepts the flaws, but more importantly it looks for the good. It does not take anything to see the flaw but it take much wisdom to see the flaws and look at them as a part of the whole and not the whole. It hopes out of hope for a better tomorrow. it is simplistic in its approach. The heart of love is under-rated because it does not follow the practices of the imaginations of men. It doesn't mater the age, it doesn't matter the race or creed, it speaks the same language.

Wow, the heart of love

The Larger Picture

For many years all I had to do was just agree with myself. That is a very simplistic thing to do isn't it? No one controlled me. I just wouldn't allow it. Churches and pastors said that they were allow by God to do it, but I watched as they turned their leaders down from controlling them. They scoffed at the idea of being controlled by another person, yet they would tell their membership something different. For me it was that they would not practice what they preached. My dad taught us against allowing clergy to control my brother and I. He told us to use our head and think before you leaped. So when a parish pastor try to bind me in compulsory confession, I smiled and kept going. I later found out the this particular person used it as a "I got something on you and you don't have anything on me" leveraging weapon. I was very thankful for my dad's teaching at that point.

In relationships I found out something that made me happy. I found I could submit to godly authority without submitting to so-called (human) godly authority. By submitting to the Spirit of God-that means falling in the duty of God you are not bound by (human) godly authority. I didn't have to do anything that was unrighteous acts. I could totally turn those things down and be in the will of God.

Just Listen

Just be sure that you understand that every argument is not an end but could be a building block to the best and a long lasting relationship. Understanding the other as you would yourself is the key. This has been a lesson to hard and too long coming. I used to thing that this person is try to upset my day. They are trying to destroy my calm. What is wrong now? It dawned on me that they are trying to understand the problem at hand. I tried disconnecting myself from the problem, only to find myself directly in the middle of the problem. To me is was my choice to either sink or swim. So I learned to swim, which means I began to deal with the person and the problem as a person crying out for my help because they were drowning in their own world. They need me to be there and listen, not to give advice, but to just listen. If they don't ask for advice, don't give it, just listen. They are going to blame me for all of their woes, when I know very little about what is going on. So one day I listened to what was really being being said. I didn't try to change what was being said, I just listened. At the end of the screaming, was a person asking me to hear what they were saying. On some things I can't change who I am. I can't change anything. On other things, if I add to the problem, I can stop some of my behaviors. The solution was just being able to understand that person as I understood myself.

The Get-Back Game

You already know that the get-back game does not work. It is the game that will lead you to a life of sorrow and horror. It will lead someone else to bitterness and or hatred. The get-back game is a clear road to divorce.

The game is: you said something to me that irritated me this morning, and I am going to wait to the perfect time and do something to get you back. The difference is, I am going to add to you more because of how it made me feel when you did it to me. I want you to feel the pain I felt when you did it to me. I want to see you hurt. you didn't necessarily see me hurt. You just saw a tear come from my eye. If you knew what that tear meant, you would have said I am sorry right away. you act like you didn't know what was going on. I was in emotional pain all day, all week or longer because of what you did or said to me. I am going to make you pay.

This is a recipe for failure. It does not work. It builds and builds until you have built a house of hatred. It is something that you probably will not recover from.

It Pays To Be Righteous In Judgment, Not Angry

We need to judge each other as we would ourselves be judged. This a very difficult thing to do at the time of anger. Anger is not the basis of judgment. Justice is the human balance of judgment, but truth is the godly balance of judgment. God has and will judge us using the weights of goodness, mercy, and grace. He chooses this righteous judgment over anger. Anger causes us to look past what is true and what is honest and what is right. Sure we can be angry at another, but we have to judge them on the bases of the merits or context of there actions. We can not judge by how we feel. In the bible there is a parable of a man who borrowed a great sum of money from his master and did not have the ability to pay it back. The master gave the man grace and mercy and forgave the debt. This same man saw one who owed him a sum of money and became angry and had the man thrown into prison. The master got wind of this action, and brought him in and called him wicked and delivered him over to the tormentors.

In relationships we need to learn how to give mercy to others as if we ourselves were receiving it. It is godly to extend mercy even if it is not warranted. We have to use the balance of truth, also using the weights of goodness mercy and grace. If we are to flourish in relationships we must understand how to execute righteous judgments.

She believes in me

One of the greatest feelings I was given was given today by my wife to be. She believed in me. SHE BELIEVED IN ME. I can swim the deepest ocean. I can climb the highest mountain. I can do the impossible because she believes in me. I was failed in this area of my life many times. I have the feeling that she does believe in me. Should she continue to keep this disposition, we will be the most successful couple ever. We will acquire all that we want or need. I will not just do 150% I will do 1000%.

God Never Fails

Whatever comes my way, it is in the Master's hand. I have made choices before that were less than perfect. Relationships fail because people fail. God never fails. I need you from this day on.

I Need More

I had a discussion today about Christians Cussing. I expected to get challenged by a Non-Christian, but that was not the case. I had a person of great reasoning, challenge the thinking behind my thought. I was not move to return the challenge. I simply responded with the word of God, which I thought it would suffice. I heard what was thoughts by Non-Christian thinkers. I know the person believed as I did, but was set on seeing what I thought about the subject, which in itself was fun.

I want to know, if a persons goes to college to learn how to challenge what I think of as truth, can I not challenge what their thought of as truth may be? What is the basis of the person's thought? What is the standard from which the conclusion drawn? I am not challenging the person, I only want to know the basis of their thinking, then I can draw my conclusions from that basis. If your basis is, "I feel" then we can go from there. If your basis is, "others say" then we can draw from that. At that point, the person relented.

I Need God

29 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, and what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: but your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.31 Yet seek ye his kingdom, and these things shall be added unto you. Luke 12:29-31 ASV

I always loved going to church. I love the preaching and the teaching I counted myself privileged to hear what I considered good preaching. Most of all I love the songs of praise and worship. I learned that this is the time I could give God all that I have. I could draw from deep within myself, from what is described as the depths of my soul and give God my emotions, my tears, my pain, my joy, my hope, I can give him all that is with in me. It is during this time that I need God most.